An Eternal Flame

I took a pregnancy test tonight.
I'm kind of sad.
I know I don't need that kind of shit right now but still.
Then again, I look at people I went to high school with and think "what fucking losers!"
Chris is happy. Although he too was trying to figure out a way to make it work if it was to happen.

School still sucks. So much homework and only the 2nd week of school.
I've been staying on top of it though so that's pretty good.
Now I just need to start working out on my mini stair stepper thingie and I'll be good.

Oh well. Almost time to pick Chris up from work and then head to the C.J.'s to see Felton and have a drink.

Late.

So....

School has started for the semester. I graduate in Decemeber of 2007. I should be graduating this May like all of my other friends...but I choose to be different.

I got a new cellie. The ROKR w/ITUNES. I love me phone. Chris got a new phone as well but mine will always be cooler.

I went shopping at Wal-Mart and I forgot to get a fucking shower curtain. I knew there was something else I needed to get. Oh well. Tomorrow is payday so I'll go pick one up then. It's not that we don't have one, it's just molding at the bottom and I wanna take my devil duckie one down and put it away until I get a house. Shower is not big enough for two shower curtains let me tell ya.

I am supposed to be scrubbing out the bottom of the shower because it is molding. Who ever thought to have a plaster shower...stupid people. It's okay though. It needs to be cleaned anyway.

I should really be getting organized for school since that was one of my "resolutions" : to be organized and shoot for a 4.0. Although I am very excited that I have finally gotten my overall GPA above a 3.0. That is a feat all in itself.

Well, it's off to do something and then something else.

Late

Answer this...please!!!

1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favorite place to be:
11. favorite lyric:
12. best time of the year:

RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:

PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself
3. Last put this in your journal to find out what i think of you.

I'm leaving for D-Town in about an hour.
I don't want to go.
I'm gonna miss Chris!
And Tigger.
And Nemo.
And my fish.
I hate leaving.
I hate leaving home.
This sucks.
Then I'm gonna miss my parents when I leave to come back here.
God I should have went to school closer to home.
Oh well.
I need to grow-up and live my life. Not my parents life.
Blah.

Tonight from 7pm-9pm is my EDSP 350 final. After that...

MATH 301 take-home test due by 5:30pm tomorrow.
EDTE 322 final reflection due by Friday
FCS 340 final from 7:30AM-9:30AM Thursday

then..

I am done.


On December 21st- flying home to Detroit. God how I hate going home. It's nothing but depression there. It's not home anymore, except for my parent and family.
Then, on the 26th, driving to Washington D.C. with my sister and staying there until the 29th. On the 30th, flying back home to Moscow.

God..I don't really want to go to Detroit.

Blah.

Christina Aguilera Lyrics

Walk Away Lyrics



What do you do when you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go?

I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping

Got caught in your web
And I learned how to plead
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely

And it hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smog
It was all an illusion

Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)
Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper)
We both can't subdue
Darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)

I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your lure
and I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

Everytime I try to grasp for air
I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over
Seems I never wake from this nightmare
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over

Inside I'm screaming
Breaking, pleading the world
Ahh...

My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each peep reminds me of you

It hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I'm about to break
I guess I missed it
I'm addicted to your lure
And I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I say...
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

Only thing I need to do is walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

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I got drunk last night.
I don't like the feeling the next day.
You'd think that I would just not drink when I have to work the next day. Yay for the building being closed and me just sitting here doing homework.
I had three Vodka Collins and 1 Coors Light. How can you get drunk off of that???
I can. It's because I never drink. Yay for being a lightweight.


I am sooo behind in my Math class. I have 9 worksheets to do. Well 7 but 9. I don't know if I can do two of them because you need partners and everyone has already done them. Damn shit. It's okay though.

I need to work on my literature log. It's due on Tuesday and it's no where near being done.
I also have 3 presentations, a dance to choreograph, 2 reflection papers, a buch of lesson plans due on finals week, a poster board presentation on the 9th and some other crap. There is so much that I can't keep track of it all. Next semester, I am getting organized at the beginning of the year and and I am going to keep up with my homework. I need to. I don't know if I'm going to get my 3.0 or not this semester. Math might be the class that I fuck up in if I can't get all these worksheets done. Who knows. I'll be working hard these next few weeks.

Late.

Chris went and bought me a pink rose and a Precious Moments figurine (yes, that's right, I collect Precious Moments. I only have 5 though...hint,hint.) I almost cried. He said he wanted me to know that he does love me even if he doesn't show it all the time. The figurine he bought me says, "I've got a crush on you."



Then... we went down to the Moose Lodge. Karaoke night. I said I might sing.
Well, Will (who is totally awesome and for those of you who watch WWE, he looks like Chris Benoit.)got me up on stage after the whole bar cleared out except for a few of the old people and whatnot. He said he just wanted to hear me sing and that only us up by the stage would be able to hear.

I sung Travelin' Soldier, Whiskey Lullabye with Will, Pictures with Will, and then Memphis Soul Song. They said I sounded really good even better than most of the people who got up and sang that night. They want me to sing next Friday night. Will wants to do Whiskey Lullabye with me and Chris wants to do Pictures. Oh my! What have I gotten myself into. I only really like singing Memphis Soul Song because I don't have a chick part to sing.

Oh well. We'll see. I was pretty buzzed up last night. Oh yeah, and then when I was singing M.S.S., Will decided to have the bartender cut off the upfront stereo and turn up the Karaoke stereo so that everyone in the bar could hear. How embarrassing???

Ok, time for more homework and trying to avoid work.

I'm 'bout sick of presentations.
Stupid Powerpoint!

Ok, so I e-mailed this professor. Let's see if I get a reply.

I've been working on some homework. I'm soo ready for Thanksgiving break. Yay for all work and no school. Well that's not quit true. I only have to work three days during my acutal break for a total of 33 hours.

I get like 5 days of so that's cool. Five days where I don't have to work or go to school. I'm sure those five days will be spent catching up on homework and studying for finals. Yay. Can't wait. Whatever.

I leave for Detroit on the 21st. I'm so happy that I'll be back in Moscow for the New Year. Never spent a New Year's at the bar. That's what I'm gonna do. Oh the joys of being 21. I can't wait for Mardi Gras next year either. Last year I spent it working, studying, and driving Chris and Biscuit around. Yay for being a DD. Not this year though. This year I'm gonna get wasted. And it'll be my second New Year's with Chris. Although this year he won't be high on cocaine. Yeah. The good times of being a hard ass about shit like that.

What a winner I picked. Oh well. I love him and I've striaghtened him out quite a bit. He harldy drinks anymore and I can put up with the Mary Jane. It's that other shit that pisses me off.

Oh yeah, Hey Nik Lyn...what do you think about getting a visit either at my Spring Break or this summer? I got a free plance ticket and well...I wanna stay here next xmas soo I figured I use it to come and see you?

So now it's time to work on some homework again.

Lates

I'm at work right now. Again. Like always. It seems like I can't escape it.
I should be trying to get some of my homework done but I'm lazy.
I need to e-mail the professor for one of my classes next semester so that I can get in.
I think I'm going to do that right now.

Everytime I hear this song, it makes me think of him.


Addicted

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas


I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door,
that's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too

Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then
Teacher says a hippo is a vegeterian

There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses
I only like hippopotamuseses
And hippopotamuses like me too!

I want some fucking sex!

Grrr. I hate when they fuck with your mind. It's the worst.

Blah.

Oh well.

I go tomorrow to get back on birth control.

Yay.

Sex may be in my future.

I don't understand it.
Why would you want to pay $300 for a name.
I was going to buy Chris one but then I found out that the battery only lasts like a year (which is also about the standard warranty that people get with their purchase.) You then have to purchase a new battery, which Apple sells for about $70 bucks.

I don't understand why people purchase these things.
An MP3 player from Best Buy is the same thing, execpt it's missing the Apple logo.

Hmmm..perhaps the world is becoming to materialistic. Whatever happened to CD's and Cassettes?

Perhaps I am just growing up and being on my own and having to pay a shit ton of bills has taught me the importance that $300 can pay for better things such as an electricity bill for a year or gas in the car for a week.

Who knows. I do know that I have better things to spend $300 on than a stupid name.

P.S. This was not directed at anyone specifically, it was just a random rant.

I hate work.
I have a lot of homework and I am working.
Supposed to be going to Ryan, Jennie, and Ashley's Halloween/Ashley's Birthday party tonight. Prolly won't go. Why would you throw a party on a Sunday.
I have class at 7:30 tomorrow morning.
Some people. Just because they don't work or go to school, well Ashley works but that's besides the point. They don't really care about anything. Ryan will say, "I'll give you 50 buck to not go to class tomorrow." Yeah, he's always trying to buy people off. What a loser.

Anyway. My sister's birthday is coming up. What am I getting her? A gift certificate to Applebees. She said Don always makes her go to Asian resturants so now they will have to go to AppleBees. It's not a very good present but it's the only major resturant chain we have here and I'm not rich so I can't get her the good stuff. Maybe something good for Christmas. I want to buy her this like talking translator. She is learning Vietnamese and all you do it type in something and it'll translate it from English to Vietnamese and vice versa. It's like 100 bucks or something. Its sounds pretty cool and it should help her out a lot.

I just got done semi cleaning the bathrooms on the 2nd floor. Just gotta find toliet paper and paper towel, oh yeah and mop the floors. I'll let Hoy do that. I tried to vacumn the computer lab this morning but my Vandal Card isn't giving me access. I e-mailed my boss so hopefully he can fix it. I guess that won't be getting cleaned today. I was hoping that Hoy would be here already but he probably forgot to set his clocks back. I told him to do it before he went to bed. No one ever listens to me.

I suppose I should go and check the bathrooms on the first floor and vacumn some rugs, wash some windows. Chris said that Don (my boss) is supposed to be coming in today and that I should get the building looking good. Hmmm...I just realized that I am hungry. Oh well. If I stay busy I won't think about food and I can make it until lunch time. Stupid Chris took my soup home instead of leaving it here. What a buttmunch.

Oh well. Off to smoke and then do some more cleaning.